Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Spring Forward, Fall Back

I've never been accused of being a morning person. While a cop, I usually saw dawn from the dark side. That's how I like it. Don't get me wrong, I think sunrises are beautiful. I just wish they happened later in the day.

April's Daylight Savings program is particularly problematic for me. In fact, I loathe it.

Day 1: The alarm on my iPhone trills. I throw it. The power cord keeps it from going far, but it swings back and hits my head. I'm awake.

Day 2: Having fully charged the phone the night before, I leave it unplugged. The alarm disorients me. It is dark, I can't find the damn thing to throw. I stumble to the kitchen for coffee, and trip on the charging cord. The floor is cool, I fall asleep.

Day 3: I go to bed early the night before. In a virtuous haze, I neglect to set the alarm.  Daylight wakes me as it was meant to do. I am two hours behind. No time for coffee. I forget the phone when I leave the house.

Day 4: I plug the phone into a different outlet, far from my bed, and increase the decibels. I turn off the switch, severing power to the outlet. The phone battery dies. I awake to sunshine and birdsong. I become self-employed.

Day 5: Anyone's guess, but if someone shouts "Pull!" and you hear a gunshot. Don't worry. I'm playing a new game called iSleep.